Seeking the Future, One Day at a Time

What am I doing??

Why? Just why?

That girl that I really like? The one that I met about a month ago and invited to my banquet? Yeah, well she invited me to her banquet as well, which got postponed about a month ago. We had a few setbacks between us and decided to stay as friends, or so I thought. Turns out she had her banquet last night.. Guess how I found out? 

I saw the pictures.

What am I doing? Why do I keep thinking about this girl? Why can’t I just let go? Why do I care so much about her? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?

I’m just destroying myself, and she’s destroying me. I never get to hang out with her, our conversations are very limited because she won’t respond to anything, and on top of that she thinks that I don’t care about her feelings because I’m a guy and, I quote, “ALL GUYS DON’T GIVE A $#!& ABOUT A GIRL’S FEELINGS.”

Are you serious?!? Really? Was it the texts I sent you every single morning for the first 2.5 weeks that gave that away? Or was it the times that I directly asked you to tell me how you feel about things? Is it not obvious that I care about you?!? AHHHHH!!!

I can’t deal with it! I can’t.. I want to so badly but it’s tearing me apart.. After finishing a movie tonight, already upset with her from a past conversation that she has yet to clear up (I’m not talking to her again until I get a straight answer from her, by the way), I got on Facebook and of course…ended up on her profile. When I saw the pictures from her banquet that I was supposed to go to, I just about lost it. It’s past 4AM here and I decided to go for a run just so that I could have something physically hurt me enough to take away from the pain I had just felt inside. It didn’t help though, a bit of crying happened anyway.

But I don’t know why it did, she doesn’t deserve my tears. I have no reason to cry over a girl that doesn’t care about me. Yet it still happens… sigh. I don’t know what to do.. 

Help.. I. Need. Help. :(

Sometimes life doesn’t give you something you want, not because you don’t deserve it but because you deserve more.

-B

A Weekend to Remember

It’s official. I am now a brother in Pi Kappa Alpha!! I think I have yet to comprehend the magnitude to everything that happened this past weekend. Everything seems like a blur now that it’s all over. I know that I will remember one evening for the rest of my life, but I cannot go into detail as to what occurred then. 

However, I can tell you about the following night. I went to our Pike banquet in Indianapolis, at the dolphin dome in the zoo to be exact. One may think that this is a very interesting choice of location to hold such a banquet, and it is.. I did enjoy most of it though. Well, I enjoyed some of it.. Ok I’m still actually piecing everything together haha..

My date for the banquet was wonderful! I mean, I loved spending the evening with her, even though we just stood near the dolphin dome for the most of the night. You probably can’t tell what my personality and habits are like from the information that I’ve typed on here the past couple of months, but I can try to inform you of myself a bit. I am generally a reserved person. I’m not that outgoing but I’m pretty welcoming and friendly. Probably the biggest aspect of my personality and overall being is that I’m very sentimental. I’m aware that most guys aren’t that sentimental about things, I never though of myself as being too sentimental but after meeting this girl about a month ago, I realized how sentimental I really am. I love complimenting someone I like on how good they look, I love sending those long texts about how happy they make me, I love snuggling on a couch while watching a movie with them, I love holding their hand on occasion while walking down the street, I love just talking about what’s going on in our lives.. Well, this girl is probably the least sentimental person I have ever met. She’s very sarcastic and self aware so when I compliment her on how good she looks, I usually receive a response of “I know.” She brushes off the texts I send about how happy I am when talking to her as if she never saw them. She doesn’t like to talk about sentimental things in general, really. However, she does like snuggling on the couch haha. I can send her texts for hours and only receive one or two brief texts every now and then in return. She drove me back from the banquet on Saturday and I massaged her neck and back for an hour and a half, all the while listening to music and not talking. When we arrived at the Pike house, she dropped me off without saying a word. 

Now, at this point you’re probably thinking that this girl is awful and I shouldn’t waste my time focusing on her so much. Yet there is this idea in my mind that won’t allow me to let go, an idea that keeps me attracted to her. I can’t figure out what this idea is and I really have no idea why i still devote so much time to communicating with her. I know she likes me, she definitely does. We’re so different but I still put up with all of the stuff she throws at me. 

I guess advice is always appreciated so if you have an opinion, please share it with me!! I really do like this girl and I’m going to give her another chance. Maybe it’s a bad idea, but I’m in college now. I’ve been sheltered all throughout high school and I never even realized it. It’s time to live and learn from my mistakes, but most importantly have the time of my life. Let the fun begin!

Forget regret or life is yours to miss.

Love,

-B